paint it, black

I was at HMV today picking up the latest copy of SLAM (the one with THE GOAT on the cover) when I bumped into a friend, and former coworker. This is a dude I saw very regularly outside of work and someone I consider/ed one of my best friends in Hong Kong last year. Dude helped me through some tough times.

But we haven’t seen each other much lately. This bump-in was only the second time I’ve seen him in maybe 3 months. And the last two times I saw him kinda happened by chance too.

We had a nice little chat, lasting about ten minutes. Then, suddenly, we kinda just knew it was time to go. “Good seeing you man, let’s grab a bite like next week or something,” I said. He agreed.

Only we’ve said that to each other the last 3-6 times we’ve seen each other. Neither of us ever follow through. We’re simply not that close anymore.

This could be due to a few reasons. One is, we had a minor, minor fallout last fall. Actually not really between him and I but more between me and a fellow mutual friend whom he is closer to. We were supposed to start a magazine together. A passion project that sees us give plenty of hard work and not a dime back. But I learned first hand, last fall, that maybe mixing business/professional shit with close friends can be risky. Sometimes, feelings get in the way. I left the project after a mini spat.

That could be the reason why we haven’t seen each other much anymore. (Nor do we exchange emails and mp3s like we used to)

Another reason could be the brutal theory that, no matter how close two people are, time and space will divide them. Maybe dude and I simply don’t talk/hang out as much nowadays simply because we don’t work together anymore. Maybe it’s because we’re physically too far apart, which leads to less time together, which leads to, well, this.

On a night when I have turned down several invites to go out–simply because I’d rather stay home and do my shit–this got me thinking. I’m not antisocial, I’m not a loner. I’m just mighty, mighty picky about who I actually want to see or the activities I do. I’m not one who needs to be around people or do shit for the sake of doing shit. So losing a friend who I actually like/d to see, for whatever reason, has me a bit sad. And scared.

keep on moving though the waters stay raging
in this maze you can lose your way
it might drive you crazy but don’t let it faze you no way

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