One of the things I’ve always blogged/talked about is how minorities have this overdefensive, hypocritical stance. It’s almost like, they have a chip on their shoulders because they feel they’re owe something.
The very first time I blogged about it was six or seven years ago, when I noticed how black sitcoms such as Fresh Prince, Martin, and Family Matters always portray white guys as either geeky or, well, evil bastards. Martin, especially, crack alot of white boy jokes.
“If a white sitcom did that about any other race, there’d be a national outrage,” I wrote on my xanga then.
Later on, I shifted my attention to Asian American groups, one of the most overly defensive, overly self-righteous group around. You hear the complaints all the time: “how come a Chinese actor can’t get leads?” “how come when they do get leads, they never get the girl?”. Anytime someone mimics Chinese talking with “ching chong”, it’s met with this backlash, as if the offender had physically harmed a family member of the Asian American groups (never mind the fact that some Asian languages really do sound coarse like that).
I recently wrote an article for SLAM about Asian American baller Jeremy Lin, and I quoted a friend who had doubts about the legitimacy of Lin’s NBA signing. My friend thinks it’s a marketing move by the Warriors, a team based in San Francisco, one of the largest Asian populated cities in the US.
What my friend said wasn’t unreasonable, but most of the feedback and comments on my story absolutely ripped my friend to bits. Personal attacks and accusations of being a traitor were thrown his way. As I was scrolling down the page witnessing the impugnation of my friend, it further cemented my theory that, because these minority groups may have faced a history of racism or prejudice, they’ve now developed this overly-proud, one-sided, narrow-minded defense mechanism.
Any comment that isn’t supportive, no matter if it’s out of candor or lighthearted banter, is taken with gravitas by them.
What irks me the most is most of the time, the outrage by these groups are full of double standards. But hey, not like anyone can tell them to go brush their shoulders off, to get that chip off their shoulders.
I’ve realized lately that young women can be put into this group too. They’re not minority in the sense that they’re outnumbered. They’re a minority in the sense that…it’s still a man’s world, and they face certain disadvantages later in their adult life that men don’t have to face.
The other day I had dinner with a guy and two girls, all former coworkers. The guy said that, he believes girls are “colder” when it comes to breakups. He said that even if a guy breaks it off with a girl, he’ll still “be there” if the girl is in need of support, the guy will still offer a helping hand. Girls on the other hand, he argues, are usually dismissive and cold after they end a relationship.
Both girls, both young-ish at mid 20s, at dinner that night disagreed, and we had quite a debate.
Yesterday I had dinner with another former coworker, an older female in her early 30s, and she agreed with what my guy friend said. She said that if a guy breaks it off with a girl, they usually feel a bit of guilt and would STFU if he’s being yelled at. But if a girl is doig the dumping, they usually do so in a too-cold, too-proud, “what? I don’t owe you anything, I just don’t want to be with you anymore” kinda way.
I have this theory, that although men are usually the cheaters and heartbreakers in marriage, in our twenties–when we’re young–it is women who are the ruthless heartbreakers. How many times have you heard of a couple breaking up because the girl wanted to explore what’s out there, or because she didn’t want to feel like she was settling for a guy? This innate curiosity, the whole “grass may be greener on the other side” is a trait I find in young women more than men.
Maybe I just happen to have hung around geeky loser guys my whole life, but just about every case of breakup I see or hear has the guy broken and depressed while the girl is out partying and dating again soon enough.
I believe young women are like this, due to the same reason that minority groups in America are so damn defensive and hypocritical. Young women know that they don’t have as much time as men. Because of their biological clock, and the somewhat outdated, but still true perception of “men can still date around in their 40s while women cannot”, makes young women a bit more…venomuos and cut-throat when it comes to love. They feel like, they’re fighting an uphill battle in a world of men, and they build up this over-defensive wall.
chick writer Lori Gottlieb wrote a piece recently about how when groups of women get together, they usually get this ultra independent, we-dont-need-no-one-uh-uh-no-way-no-how Beyonce-circa-early-2000s attitude. She argues that women friends are overly, and wrongfully supportive of each other, even when one’s clearly making a bad move. It’s like some group-think girl-power mentality, that resembles the whole Asian Americans we-must-band-together-and-support-every-Asian-actor-or-athlete-and-defend-him-to-the-death kinda thing.
Jason Whitlock once wrote a piece condemning certain groups of black people for blindly supporting each other, pulling the race card at any sign of trouble, and generally escaping responsibilities.
He was talking about the backlash after the 2007 All Star game, which was held in Vegas. That weekend, by most accounts, was a disaster: Vegas police reported a spike in crime, and stories about how seedy and unlawful the streets were surfaced all weekend, in every way (my dad was there and he told me. Bill Simmons wrote about it, news reported it). Naturally, some Black writers were offended and accused everyone who thought the weekend was bad of being racist.
But really, facts are facts. And Jason Whitlock refused to fall into the Jessee Jackson stereotypical camp and told it like it is–Vegas that weekend was filled with a bunch of degenerate young Black hooligans, and they were the main cause of trouble. Of course they didn’t represent the entire Black population, but instead of blindly supporting or denying that they were troublemakers, Black writers and media members should condemn that small group of thugs, instead of pulling the race card.
Stop the “we can do no wrong we must support each other” mentality simply to fight the man.
Sometimes, the man ain’t so bad.